Behind the Numbers

I have talked with enough church leaders to know the pattern well: attendance is declining and the perceived reasons why are numerous and varied. It is tempting to chalk the trend up to many different personal reasons like crowded schedules, strong preferences, or life just getting in the way. But studies show that people commonly express a few specific needs they look for in a community. We will explore four deeply held longings people consistently express in our divided world: they want to feel valued, to belong, to be known, and to have room to grow. What can we as church leaders learn from these finding and apply to our falling numbers?

Drawing previous church attenders and members back to the community of believers is not a plan or checklist to complete and move past. It’s an ongoing way of leading — one that has to adapt as our congregations change. Below is a closer look at each of these four longings, along with a way to measure how well our congregations are meeting the challenges and needs of people we encounter.

A Desire To Be Valued

People want to know they are important in the eyes of others. Yes, our self-identity should be rooted in how God sees us. But the reality is that what others think of us matters! And it matters a lot. 

Much of our connection with others now happens through a screen instead of face to face. We keep up with people through scrolling posts and updates, learning about their lives in fragments rather than in conversation. It is a strange kind of closeness — knowing what someone had for dinner or where they went on vacation, without ever talking to them. This thinner, digital version of relationships has made it easier than ever for someone to feel connected online while still feeling unseen in the pew.

How is your church demonstrating that you value people? Mass communication like email blasts or text updates has its place, but it cannot replace personal contact. What matters is building new relational habits into the lives of your church leaders and members. Tell people, regularly and often, that you care for them, are thankful for them, and appreciate them.

Here’s a measurable action for you. The first week of each month ask your ministers, elders, deacons, Bible class teachers, small group leaders to keep a list of every person in the church they contacted that week. Challenge them to give a brief synopsis of what was spoken to them, how you prayed for them and the medium you used (text, email, card, letter, call, video, visits, etc.).

A Sense of Belonging

People long to know their lives make a difference. I have a friend who has suffered from deep, dark clinical depression for years. In the grips of depressive episodes, she feels worthless and of no consequence to anyone. She is desperate to hear again and again that she is of worth and that she belongs.

Deeply embedded feelings of belonging don’t happen in large worship gatherings. Belonging grows in the context of personal relationships, where people know one another. Building belonging is where small groups fit into the life of the church.

A small group is a place where people belong. Rather than thinking of it as a program, think of a small group as any regularly recurring opportunity that provides a person a seat at the table. Now that “table” can be a chair in a Bible class, a sofa in a living room, or a stool around a coffee shop table. What’s important is that everyone in the group knows if they are not present there will be an empty seat that others will notice.

How many small groups does your church have and how many people are in them? This is one way to measure how your church offers places to belong. Small groups, whatever style, shape, size, or context where they occur, are places that develop belonging because it is here that people commit to showing up for one another. It is important that you, the church leader, know what you’re going to count and that you actually do the counting. Counting can feel tedious, but it reflects real care for real people.

Knowing and Being Known

Some years ago, my wife and I both worked at Cascade College. One year there was a major flu outbreak, and one of our fellow teachers and his wife got so ill they could not take care of their 2-month-old child. In the middle of the night, they called 911 to call an ambulance to transport them to the hospital. My wife and I were not horrified that they had called an ambulance, or that they had not felt like they could call us instead. We were horrified that we had not known they were sick at all! How did we miss that? 

People have a need for others to know them and what is going on in their lives. This goes way beyond the superficial face recognition that characterizes many church relationships. We need to know each other’s lives — where we shop, where we work, what our children are doing, what we’re thinking, how we’re feeling. Who are the people you call to go out to dinner with, to go on a vacation with, to invite to a special celebration? These are the people you know, and who know you.

Here’s a measurable for this concept of knowing and being known. At least once a year spend specific time at church asking people about their church relationships. Ask them who they have gone on a trip with or who they have called when they had a need. Ask them who has access to their house to come feed their pets when they’re out of town. Research says people need at least seven distinct names they can list as a basis for knowing and being known.

Opportunity To Grow

Longing for an opportunity to grow may seem a bit out of place when talking about church. Think about times when you had the opportunity to do something, to learn something, to experience something that brought growth or enrichment into your life. These are often mountain top experiences. We take pictures of these moments to put on our refrigerators or in albums. We want to remember them because they help us feel good about ourselves and those we share the experiences with. People value growth.

A person may be a member for decades. So how is a church to care for the growth of that person across his lifetime? This is where age and stage activities, Bible classes and relationships can play a part. When we break life down into typical ages and stages like youth, young adult, child-bearing, child-rearing, teen families, empty nesters, retired and senior saints, seeding opportunities for growth becomes more manageable. Leaders can arise, organizers will engage, and new ideas and experiences can be offered.

Here’s how to measure if you are providing opportunities for your members to grow. Look at each age and stage in your church and ask a simple question of each one: is real growth happening in this age group right now? Remember, not just activities, but true growth.

People Need People

In many ways, these longings are essentially affirming what we know from Scripture. People need other people. We are relational beings. Leading a congregation back to health is not something we can finish and check off or create a program to accomplish. It is a continuous cycle that we repeat over and over again, as we learn to love one another.

Your congregation may find additional measurable actions to take that fit its own story better. Wherever you begin, the goal is the same: to build a church where people are not just present, but truly known and cared for.

Dr. Stan Granberg Heritage21, Board Member [email protected] (501) 214-0340 Heritage21, 629 West Main Street, #10210, Oklahoma City, OK 73102